Hanging Chad

Author’s Note: This scene was cut from Heritage Crossing, but I thought I would share it with you. David, who is twelve at the time, complains to his father, Douglas, about having to clean his room.His father, a Naval Medical Officer, explains his take on what must be done and why.

“Why do I have to clean it? It’s my room isn’t it? Besides, it wasn’t messed up. I only had a few things out and planned to put them away when I was done with them,” David explained.

“Sit down David,” his dad said calmly. He turned and pulled open a dresser drawer. “You might want to take notes.”

Why should I take notes? David thought. Dad was so full of himself sometimes. If he knew when he came into the room that his dad was going to launch into some crazy story about the cosmos and hanging chad, he wouldn’t have bothered. He was serious and needed a serious answer, especially with him leaving on deployment. Dad wasn’t going to be there to talk to mom and straighten things out. All he wanted for the year or so while dad was gone was his own little space, and like he told him, he kept it picked up. His room wasn’t anything like his friend’s rooms, which were a mess, but what choice did he have but to sit at the foot of the bed now and listen?

“You know, David, it isn’t that we don’t all experience a little gear drift from time to time.” That was a Navy expression related to how things disappeared and weren’t where they should have been when you went to look for them. “I think you know that, but that’s not what we’re talking about here is it, son?”

“No, sir.  I don’t think so.” David answered. David knew that dad had specific expectations that he was to follow, which included saying ‘yes sir’ and ‘yes ma’am’ to adults. His friends thought that was funny too, but didn’t make a big deal out of it. His politeness with grown ups often got them out of trouble.

“Excuse me a second, son.” His dad went to the door and called for Rebecca, “Rebecca! Have you seen my laundry net bags?” After a minute, Rebecca came into the room.

“What?” she asked.

David knew that mom was upset with dad leaving.

“My laundry net bags. I usually stow them in my skivvy drawer. Have you seen them?”

“You do know that if you put things away where they belonged you wouldn’t have this problem,” Rebecca took the bags out of the fourth drawer, not his skivvy drawer.

“And you do know that’s not where I keep them,” he said.

Rebecca didn’t answer and walked out the room.

“See? Gear drift. It isn’t always your fault either.” He put the laundry net bags on the bed as he took inventory of what he’d pack later. “Where was I? That’s right, we were talking about your room.”

“Yes sir,” David said. He wished he didn’t bring it up.

“What I was going to tell you, and you’re very lucky to hear this now, is that some women, like your mother, are connected to the cosmos. Not all but some, most maybe, no almost all.”

“And we’re not?” David hadn’t heard this one before. He questioned when his dad heard or came up with this one.

“No, not totally. I just think that most guys, we’re not as tuned in to the cosmic hum. You know how dogs hear certain pitches and they react? We don’t. I mean, I like my gear where I put it, but it doesn’t unnerve or rattle me…it doesn’t create a resonating, reverberating sound. Let’s just say we’re like cosmic hanging chad. You know what hanging chad is, don’t you?”

David initially shook his head no. When he did he didn’t expect his dad meant hanging chad as in a hole punch, but his dad continued to explain.

“Well, have you ever used a hole punch on a piece of paper, and after you punched the hole the piece of paper that you punched didn’t come off completely? It stayed attached?”

“Yes sir. I didn’t think that’s what you meant that’s all. I know what a hole punch is and hanging chad.”

“Good. You had me there for a moment. I thought for sure you knew, but anyway, that’s us. We’re hanging chad. We’ve been punched buddy; that’s the truth.” Dad walked over to a dresser, took out T-shirts, and continued, “You see women, like your mother, who are connected to the cosmos react…they hear the hum if not all the planets, stars, fallen leaves, and every speck of dust are not in its proper place. That triggers an almost imperceptible disruption deep within their psyche.” He stopped, “You do know what the psyche is don’t you?”

Even if he knew, his dad was going to tell him so he shook his head, no, just to get it over.

“Well, some say it’s the soul. I think of it as the female ‘happy place,’ where all women, no matter how young – and this includes Prudy – find inner peace and harmony to the hum. It’s our job to find out where their happy place is and what we can do to keep them there.”

“Really?”

“Yes, son. We should want to keep the people we care about happy.  I know there are times that we can’t. You have to pick your battles. Between you and me, it’s easier to face an enemy on a battlefield than to face a distraught woman in the kitchen who is frantically looking for something that she knows was in the refrigerator the night before but was gone in the morning. Why? Why was it gone? Because you ate it at O dark-thirty.”

“Okay but…” he was cut short.

“I’m getting there. What I’m trying to tell you is that something happens to your mom when anything is out of place. If everything is not in its proper place, she’ll go on the prowl, there’s a disturbance in the hum. She can’t help it. Like I said, every leaf that falls, every speck of dust that lands where it does not belong calls out to her. “Here I am, find me. Find me so you can clean me. She has to keep looking and looking,” he continued, “and if she doesn’t find what it is that is out of place, an inner disturbance will start and grow. It continues to grow until a small crack appears ― that’s where your mom got her cute little wrinkles you know,” he said and winked at him.

“Dad please?”

“And if she can’t find it, then the internal rift grows even larger. Much like the sudden movement of the earth causes an earthquake; the pressure continues to build and build until….” His dad stopped at that point, shaking, twirling around with his arms outstretched  and then falling on the bed.

David started laughing. He stood up, starting shaking, twirling and then fell beside him. After they both laughed, David asked, “Is that it? Is that all?”

Douglas took a deep breath, then exhaled. He shook his head somberly, turned to David casually, and deadpanned, “Well, son, as with every earthquake, we’re the fault. That’s why you have to clean your room even though I know you’ve got it handled.”

“Oh,” David said disappointed.

“You know David, things have been pretty intense around here.”

“Yes sir. I know.” David replied. That was an understatement. When mom came into his room she directed him to clean his room without even looking at it and seeing it was picked up.

“I was trying to lighten things up…you know, with the story. I guess I didn’t accomplish the mission.”

“No sir.” David smiled.

“I did tell you one thing right though that’s worth remembering,” he said, smiling.

“Sir?” David asked. His dad’s tone was sincere and caring.

“Picking your battles son. Sometimes you have to look past the dust to uncover what’s beneath, and sometimes you have to let the dust settle before you get out the dust cloth. Otherwise you’re swinging wildly in the air.” He chuckled at that image. “I suspect your room was picked up. It usually is. I suspect your mom went in and saw the dust in the air.”

“Yes sir,” he said. “Dad, did you mean what you said about us being hanging chad?”

“Sometimes we’re all left hanging son, especially by our ladies. You’ll find that out one day. It’s unfortunate but true.” He got up. “Hey, I’m sorry, son, I didn’t mean to frustrate you.”

“It’s okay dad.” He sat up on the bed and gave him a hug.