We’re All Hurting, Yes, But…

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” James 5:16

It’s such a quandary. On the one hand, God in His mercy and grace has lifted the guilt of all my former sins and transgressions; filled me with a desire and delight for Him, and brought my soul to peace. On the other hand, he has left me in a place where those around me remember my sins and transgressions, and on occasion, they remind me of them as they relive those events. What triggers a memory of something I had wrongfully, foolishly had done ten, twenty; even forty years earlier? I cannot say, but they relive it as if what had happened, happened yesterday.  

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you this for pity or to find reinforcement in hearing how those around me err in not forgiving me. I hurt them. It’s just maybe now, I must hurt again for them. I just can’t walk away and say that I am forgiven and free of guilt, and dismiss their feelings and memories… chalking it up as if it is now entirely their sin, without personally continuing to own it in the sense that I am, as Adam was in the garden, founder and representative head to my family. No, I pray for them! I must! For as much as God’s grace was sovereignly imparted to me, and that without merit or demand, how could I do anything but pray, and humbly and quietly accept what continues to lurk in their lives as a consequence of my actions?

Sure, I can tell you that if you do not forgive quickly and bandage your wounds with Christ’s covering, it will remain an open and oozing sore. We must do this for ourselves; not the offender. Like a cancer, if not caught and soon cut out, our inability to forgive will spread and metastasize; hardening our heart; ruining the man and spirit. We seal unto ourselves His wrath by remembering; holding on to everything else except the Lord’s Prayer; specifically, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” (Mat. 6:12) Of course, this is difficult for me to say now and be received well by my loved ones. Why? Because hearing it from me; the offender, is obviously a self-serving and convenient  use of the Scriptures.

That is why some men and women; without finding forgiveness, have an urge to run away from such a leprous house. Yes, some run while claiming they were forgiven by God, and justify their flight due to the lack of forgiveness in the home. If they were honest, however, it may be that forgiveness did not come quickly enough. Indeed, some claim to know God’s forgiveness, but they do so in the same way that they expect to end all of their tear-stained dramas; with ‘on demand’ programming; let us please turn the channel, but if you insist, can we lower the volume? Sorry, but I know better and so do you; that is, if you are truly forgiven. Shame on us. Rather than fleeing, we should be ardently praying that God will bear us up in our present circumstances; all the while praying for increased love, patience and long-suffering for our struggling family members; even as God showed us His patience.

How then should I act? Well, if I truly understand the depth of my sin and the wonder of God’s mercy, I pick up my cross, and by His strength, will bear it until reconciliation is brought into my home in accordance with His divine will, mercy, and most importantly, His timing. Hopefully, he will use me as I sit quietly in sackcloth and ash. I will learn, by God’s grace, only to speak when I hear them cry out to God for mercy and forgiveness in acknowledgement of their own sinfulness and lack of forgiveness. Then I’d pray, “Oh Lord, yes, please give it! Make it so, but not for my sake; but for theirs!” By staying too, I can observe and know their needs as I pray for them; likewise, they can observe what the Lord is doing ever-so-quietly in my life. And if and when I do speak in the midst of another outburst and accusation, I hopefully, and always, will prepare myself by asking Father, “Oh God, if it is thy will that my loved ones hear your voice through me, then let it be as a whisper! If not a whisper; then not at all!” 

Yes, it is to my Father’s glory and end that I trust He will provide my needs; even as He will provide for yours, my friend. We need to learn that as great as God’s mercy is to forgive us, He is equally powerful in sustaining us during our most difficult times of trial; when the fiery darts of renewed accusations from years past are thrown. This happens because there is often great suffering in a family’s healing, but Christ is our balm; His Spirit our Comforter. As for how long we must wait? Who can say how long a fever shall run it’s course? The woman, who touched the hem of our Lord’s garment, bled fifteen years before she was healed. The blind man seemingly for his entire life. The question that I must ask is, ‘Am I nursing the illness or the patient?’ If either my peace is untrue, or I am not constantly on watch, then my human reaction is to nurse the fever and quicken its spread. For that reason, I must draw close to God; always thanking Him for the gracious and loving peace that He gave me; a peace that does, in fact, transcend my understanding. How do I know it is so? Because I find myself reacting; even under great and trying circumstances, in a manner that a carnal man could not possibly react… softly; returning evil with kind words and grace.

Only a righteous man is so marked in behavior; one who forgives because he found forgiveness. Thus, if I am a ‘righteous’ man; made whole by God through Christ’s mercy, then as James wrote, I must pray fervently. And what makes a fervent prayer effectual? I know that I am forgiven; I abide in Christ and He in me, and I have a covenant to be honored before Him and my family.